Help for Rebels Under Age 18:
Information Sheet with Listing of the Videos / DVD's and Their Proper Order for Parents with Rebellious Teens Under Age 18
Please Note: If you are dealing with a Rebellious Child OVER the age of 18, please click here for the appropriate instructional sheet.
In our experience, most times if there is a rebellious child problem it can be traced back to a parenting problem. You must FIRST deal with the parent problem BEFORE you can deal with the child problem. The problem areas that have become evident in your child may have just become a problem in the last few months or years, while the parenting problems have usually been there for many years. Turning around your child is the easy part. The greater challenge is for you as the Parent to see where you are failing and make the changes needed in order to help your child.
It is IMPORTANT that you DO NOT start the drastic changes that he talks about in "Changing the Heart of a Rebel" and "Detailed Instructions..." with the child until you have FIRST GONE THROUGH AND ARE FINISHED viewing ALL the "Rebellious Child Parenting" DVDs. You are about to get on the craziest roller coaster ride of your life and you want to be sure that your seat belt is fastened tightly for the ride. The "Parenting" DVDs will help you to fasten that "seat belt." If you aren't prepared you may "fall out" half-way through the process. Most problems in this area are deep rooted. The various DVDs listed here are designed to deal with each area of you and your teen's lives that may need help. This is the reason there are so many different titles. This is also the reason they are listed in the order in which they are listed.
The messages given below have been used by many parents to turn around rebellious teens.
We've had people try to go through the "Rebel Process" using the audio/CD version of the titles listed below instead of the DVD version and it simply WILL NOT WORK. Yes, the CD's are cheaper, but it will not help you deal with the problems that you are having. When trying to fix a roof that has a HUGE hole in it, do you go to the store and ask to purchase the cheapest tarp you can to fix the hole or do you find someone to help you replace that entire part of the roof so you don't have massive problems again down the road a few days, months or years from now? Of course, you try to be as frugal as possible while getting all the tools and materials that you need to fix that hole, but you realize the importance of fixing this problem so you do your best to get what you need. You don't wait days and weeks before finding the tools to fix it-- you do it as soon as possible, otherwise you are going to have more damage caused by that problem the longer you wait! It is the same thing when dealing with rebellion problems. Usually, it is the Mother that senses the problem earlier and the Father typically either doesn't recognize it or doesn't want to deal with it so they wait until there is a HUGE hole that they have to deal with and, if you don't get all the information that you need, presented in the best way possible, you are going to continue to have problems. A Mother, crying gave this testimony: "Please tell everyone to listen to you when you when you tell them that the Videos really do make a difference! We tried using the audio version of the "Rebel Listing" to turn our rebellious teen daughter around. We didn't see the necessity at the time of the videos and didn't feel the need to spend the little extra, and it ended up hurting us much more than helping us. It inoculated our daughter just enough for her to not respond and change. We, as the parents, did not even realize that we weren't impacted enough by the cassettes to make the changes that were needed in us until it was too late. Please tell others our story to save them more heartache." The DVDs give the impact that you as the Parent as well as the child need made on you. The CDs will not give you that impact! It is better for you to not hear the sermon at all than to inoculate yourself or your child against dealing with the problem. If you truly want victory in this or any area for you and your child, you will NEED the DVDs and NOT the CDs. If you cannot afford the entire series at one time, we suggest that you start with the first one and work your way down the list. (See our specials for the BEST possible price!)
If possible, placing the order for the rest of the series should be done as you get near the end of the parenting DVDs. We are doing our best to try to help you deal with the problem once and for all.
Quick, easy cheap fixes of any life problem tend not to last. This is even truer in the spiritual realm than in the physical realm!
If you, in the spirit of humility, can ask your spouse and children to discuss and point out failures as you finish each DVD you will then be able to confess your failures, make yourself accountable to them, and discuss any misunderstandings, misconceptions or misinterpreted motives.
The discussion is a very important part of this process. Remember that your children know you far better than anyone else, because they live with you. Keep in mind that, if you have or have had a problem with anger in the past, the child may not feel the freedom to point out your problems to you. You might try watching especially the first 2 in the "Anger Series" a couple of times before watching them with your child, and a week of changing your recognized failures without discussing it, and then ask if they have noticed a change. Whatever you do, DON'T GET DEFENSIVE! Admit that you are trying to change and ask them to be patient with you, but don't use that as an excuse-- CHANGE! It is very important not to promise something that you will not be able to fulfill. Otherwise, this will be viewed as inconsistency and cause insecurity and mistrust in the child. Be very aware of this. It is so important to your turning the child around.
A rebel under the age of 18 is much easier to turn around than if you put things off and wait to deal with the problem after they turn 18. You will realize very quickly then that the problem you are dealing with now is nothing compared to just waiting to see if things will "just work themselves out." Almost NEVER do teen rebellion problems simply disappear. Even when parents think they have disappeared, they have usually just gone underground and are waiting to resurface in a worse form than before. We have had several parents dealing with Adult Rebels tell us that they wish they could go back and change things before the child turned 18 because the heartache is worse and longer drawn out after age 18. (It can take years to work with an Adult Rebel compared to months working with a teen rebel.)
Beware not to begin the process that Dr. Davis talks about on the DVDs of "Changing the Heart of the Rebel" and "Detailed Instructions to Serious Parents to Help with Rebellious Teens" unless you plan to SEE IT THROUGH! Changing things or skipping things YOU don't deem necessary can bring disastrous results. You can end up with a worse rebel than you now have if you do not do all the steps and in the specified proper order. Turning a rebel around is not something you can begin and stop mid-process, deciding it was too much to ask of you to do for your child. Because of the emotional roller coaster you will be on, it may not seem to you to be working, but you must trust the wisdom of following the instructions even when you don't feel successful. Be committed to see this through. "Paying the price" will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. The questions you want to ask yourself before going through this whole process is, "How far will I go for my child? Will I do ANYTHING for them? Will I do ANYTHING to win them back? How important is my child to me? Is my child more important to me than money? Is my child more important than my very life? Is my child important enough for me to recognize the areas that I need to change in and do whatever I have to do to change?"
The "REBELLIOUS CHILD Parenting" DVDs listed below will be beneficial to any parent or spouse, even if you do NOT decide to do the "drastic" measures. (You will recognize these as you listen to the DVDs.)
DVDs in their Proper Order for Parents and Teens
The first 3 Parenting DVD's are ONLY for the Parents. DO NOT watch them with the rebellious child:
- "Detailed Instructions to Serious Parents to Help with Rebellious Teens"
- "Changing the Heart of Rebel" (Parents only - watch 3 to 4 times. This will be your main "reference" DVD.)
- "Knowing When to Let Go"
Don't start the drastic changes until you are ready to go through the whole program (that Dr. Davis lays out for you on the "Rebel" message above) and have completed the Rebel Parenting' DVDs.
The Other DVDs Listed Below are ALSO FOR THE PARENTS! They may be watched with the rebellious child, so that you will have a GREATER CHALLENGE TO CHANGE. They will recognize areas in which you have failed or are failing and will watch to see if YOU are willing to change BEFORE they will.
Parenting DVD's continued:
- "How to Help Rebellious Adopted or Stepchildren" (You will only need this title if you have an adopted or stepchild.)
- The Pride Series:
- "What Pride Does"
- "How to Humble Yourself"
- "How Right Priorities Prevent of Solve Life's Problems"
- "The Necessity of Replacing Evil with Good"
- "Are You a Giver or a Taker?"
- "7 Keys to Unlock Doors of Communication"
- The Anger Series:
- "Anger the Destroyer"
- "Freedom from the Spirit of Anger"
- "What Impatience Does"
- "What the Bible Has to Say About Scorn and Mockery"
- "How to Help a Man (or a Person) Deal with their Anger."
- "How to Treat a Wounded Spirit"
- "Expectations, the Enemy of Relationships and Gratitude"
- "3 Key Elements of Successful Parenting"
- "How to Parent as a Team"
- "How to Bless Your Children and Others"
- "God's Weightiest Commands to Husbands, Wives and Parents"
- "How to Develop Character in Your Children"
- "How to Keep Children from Getting Bitter"
- "How to Use Acceptance to Build Others" Title #3 of 4 in the Influence Series
- "Understanding Biblical Leadership"
DVDs for Fathers:
- "Christ, the Husbands Example"
DVDs for Mothers:
- "The 7 Fold Power of a Wife's Submission"
- "The Attitude No Lady Should Have"
- "How a Wife Can Use Reverence to Build or Save Her Marriage"
- "Overcoming Discouragement" (If parents are getting discouraged they may need this message)
Both Parents watch the following DVDs with the rebel & then discuss. (The discussion is a very important part of the changing process. If the child refuses to talk, then NOTHING else gets done until they talk. The child MUST know that this IS NOT a vacation; it is time that is set aside to focus on the problems that you are having and dealing with them once and for all!
We have been told by parents going through this process that it is difficult to balance the 3 key elements: 1- Winning the battles; 2 Gentleness; and 3 - Consistency. If you are struggling with any of these areas you may want to go back and re-watch "3 Key Elements for Successful Parenting." Don't get angry with the child. That's what they expect you to do. Be patient and love them. (They don't expect that!) They must realize the seriousness of the problem and know that the parents are serious about dealing with it.
We suggest that you watch 2 DVDs per day, one in the morning and one in the evening, while doing activities TOGETHER to re-build the broken relationship. We recommend board games, fishing, hiking, etc... Be sure that it is things that you do TOGETHER! Try to avoid TV or radio programs.
DVDs to Help the Rebellious Child:
- "Why Satan wants the First Born" (If the child is a first born) Title #1 of 4 in the Influence Series
- "The Influence of Older Children on Younger Ones" (If the child has younger siblings) Title #2 of 4 in the Influence Series
- "Personal Responsibility"
- "How to Avoid the Destructiveness of a Wrong Self Image" (If you're dealing with a girl; often boys also struggle with this problem)
- "Breaking Family Curses"
- "What Bitterness Does"
- "Conquering Satan's Strongholds"
- "10 Steps to Victory Over Lust" (If you're dealing with a boy; often girls also struggle with this problem) "The Mistakes Rebels Make"
- "God's 7 Purposes for Authority"
- "God's Way to Deal with Your Wrong Emotions"
- "Seeds of Disintegration Planted by the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Philosophy" Title #1 of 10 in the Betrothal Series (If there is a boyfriend/girlfriend problem currently or in the past, you may consider purchasing the entire Courtship/Betrothal Series. Only 3 are listed here, but you could get the entire set of 10 if you need them.)
- "Understanding How Homes Relate to Each other and the Church"
- "Commitment to Purity" Title #2 of 10 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series
- "How to Tell the Right Kind of Music" (ANY FORM of rock music feeds rebellion and sensuality.)
- "God's Plan for Finding a Mate" Title #3 of 10 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series
- "When Forgiveness Won't Work"
- "Understanding the Blessings and Hazards of Friendships"
DO NOT PLAY THE NEXT DVD IN THIS LIST until the parent senses the child is close to surrender to God. If you do, you may end up with a worse rebel than you started with!
- "My Son, Give Me Thine Heart"
This is the DVD that will be the one to reach out and get their attention.
Parents should watch the first part of the DVD with them and then leave the room so they can finish it alone. They will be able to show emotion without feeling like they can not because you are sitting there with them.
We had a parent show their rebellious adult this DVD after we had begged them not to and they called back and said, "That DVD didn't do any good! They sat there and scowled at the screen the whole time and there wasn't a change at all!" I could have told them that was the response they would get if they had asked me, but instead they chose to show it anyway. What they did was cause their rebel to become harder because they hadn't changed anything themselves yet so that the rebellious child would want to change. Sadly, they may NEVER get a second chance! They wanted a quick fix and they might have lost all opportunity forever to help their child!
The following DVDs should be played after surrender:
- "How to Rebuild Broken Trust"
- "How to Tell True Repentance"
- "Accountability Missing Ingredient for Spiritual Victory"
- "How to Help Weak Children Become Strong"
No matter how much you may feel that you are the exception to following all of the details to the end, we cannot emphasize to you how important it is that you follow even the smallest details of the instructions. We have been helping parents deal with rebellious children since 1991. We have witnessed the heartbreak of parents doing all but one step or leaving out a step they don't feel is applicable to their situation and "losing" their child to rebellion for years or sometimes forever, even though they had done everything else taught in the DVDs.
You may look back at the end and discover there was a DVD that you didn't need. But that one will not have hurt you, and the one you choose to skip may be more essential to your recovery than you could know. We have also witnessed the victory of parents who made the sacrifices necessary and followed even the details that they didn't understand or think applied to them and the joyful outcome of their story is such a blessing!
These are not just our ideas they are Biblical principles that we have personally learned, and they work!
We can tell you countless stories of situations where a parent thinks that since we don't personally know their child, they are better equipped at deciding what is needed or not needed of the principles on the DVDs or what will or will not work for them. One such father asked us to share his story with you. He was dealing with a seventeen year old rebellious daughter and gladly sacrificed purchasing all the videos in the Rebel Series. He followed each step as it was explained, and near the end of the process, his daughter began turning around. He called to say that she was doing much better and he thought it would be fine to shorten the final step. We warned him that it would not be wise, but he decided to do what he felt was okay for his situation. (She seemed to have made the turn around, and he was anxious to return to his normal schedule.) One week later, this daughter ran away from home and moved in with a man who was not yet divorced. The father called us again and asked if there was anything else he could do. The sad thing was that his window of opportunity had already passed. The only thing he could do at that point was to wait for her to hit bottom and come to her senses. Currently it has been five years since this has happened. The sad truth is, she may never see her need, and all contact has had to be ended between her and her younger siblings, though her parents continue to try to love and accept her. Repeatedly, the father has told us that he regrets not following that last step through and can now see the wisdom of following every detail. If he could go back, he would gladly have sacrificed even his employment. You will not understand why and how these principles work until after you have heard the messages, but Bible truth under girds all that we are sharing with you.
AFTER you are completely finished watching ALL of the "Parenting" DVDs or while you are going through the DVDs for the "Child" and you are unclear of something that is happening, you are welcome to call us at 217-445-2527. You will be speaking with Jeanna. She is our main counselor as well as the full time secretary for our ministry. She has helped 100's or 1,000's of families dealing with family problems just like you are dealing with. Normally she will set up an appointment for you to call back. Once again, be sure to have ALL the Parenting DVDs watched BEFORE calling with questions. The DVDs are where you are going to find most of the answers to your questions.
We had a family complete the whole process that Dr. Davis explains on the "Detailed Instructions" and they were very happy to have won their son back. The father told me that they were planning on watching each one of the DVDs again each night after they returned home so that the whole family could reap the blessings from the DVDs. This story was from a father who truly "Paid the Price" to win back his son. He did win him back by doing every little thing that was shared with him to do.
Sadly, very few parents are willing to make all the sacrifices to win back their child. Getting the Videos is the easy part of the process. "Paying the Price" is the hard but rewarding part! We pray that your family will be one of the success stories that will help encourage others. We love to hear those success stories so please let us know how it goes. It can be a world of encouragement to the next family beginning their process. :) We pray that God will bless you and give you the strength you'll need as you begin Changing the Heart of Your Rebel.
***To increase the effectiveness of this program we recommend that you and your family continue watching one DVD per week for 1 to 2 years. (Either from the above list or additional DVDs that are available from our ministry.)
You can also find this information sheet as well as others and additional helpful DVDs on our web site www.solvefamilyproblems.com
Disclaimer: Neither Dr. S. M. Davis nor Park Meadows Baptist Church of Lincoln, IL offers any guarantee for the results of following the counsel offered in this document or in the messages offered by this ministry, nor do they accept responsibility for any negative outcome resulting from following the counsel offered by this ministry. OUR DVDS ARE BIBLE MESSAGES THAT GIVE BIBLICAL COUNSEL. THEY ARE NOT PSYCHOLOGICAL OR PSYCHIATRIC COUNSELING.
