We recommend that the husband read this out loud as the wife intently listens.
If you are reading this you are probably in one of two places with your child(ren):
You are trying to head off problems with your children. If that is you, I want to commend you for your wisdom in foreseeing possible future problems and avoiding them.
Your child(ren) are exhibiting one or any of the following actions: blatant disobedience, disrespect for authority, yelling or screaming at the parent, throwing fits or throwing things at authority figures.
If any of the above describes your situation, you need to recognize that you don’t just have a problem, YOU HAVE A MAJOR PROBLEM! You need to see this as seriously as you would see it if your child’s leg was dangling and you needed to rush him to the hospital for immediate attention. We hope we can be that hospital of hope to help you to put your home in the order that God designed, but you are going to have to be willing to do the work that it takes.
The DVD’s that we have put together in the “Help for Parents of Difficult Children” series will help you to recognize the areas in which each parent is lacking and will help you to change it. You need to realize that if your child(ren) are described in any of the above statements you have a serious situation on your hands, and if it continues to happen it is because you are allowing it to happen. You may say, “I’m not trying to allow it to happen, but I don’t know how to stop it.” Your child may be in control of your home right now and be an example of (Proverbs 29:15) “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”
A child should not have the final decision concerning what is going to happen or not happen in the home. Sometimes you may give them a choice, but the majority of the time, they need to learn to obey what you say, do it right away and do it with a smile.
Even an infant, if not put on a schedule, will soon be in control of the home. An organized schedule is the best way to train a baby to follow obediently from the time he is born. Eating, nap time, and play time is usually included in that schedule, as well. You may be wondering why we would talk about babies since you are dealing with a child, but that is usually where the problems have begun.
Crying is another area where babies take control, sometimes at a very young age. Sometimes they just want to be held and don’t ever want to be put down. Some parents think that they need to pick up the baby every time he cries. If he is clean, fed, and nothing is wrong, remember that he is born with a sin nature and is probably just having an “I want to be the center of attention” moment. If that is the mentality that you have kept his entire life, why wouldn’t he throw a fit when he doesn’t get something he wants and you tell him, “No.” or, “You have to wait.”? When you spoil your child and cater to his every wish or want, he feels like he is in control instead of you – he just lets you be in control sometimes, while all the time he knows who is really the boss.
It can be tiring to deal with a difficult child constantly. It may take you hours of going around in circles to teach him that he will obey what you have told him to do. There may be days when that will be all that you get done, but when you are exhausted from the struggle of who will win, remember that one battle won today means you won’t have to fight to win it over and over again in the future. Eventually, the child will realize that what he wants isn’t worth the ordeal through which he has to go just to not get what he wanted, and he will learn to give in and just obey the first time. It may be tough while you are going through it right then, but the success in the long run is well worth the time spent. It is better to have two hours of battle for you to win with obedience now than to have two years or a possible lifetime of rebellion with which you will have to deal five to ten years from now.
Inconsistency is one of the things that is discussed in the, “3 Key Elements of Successful Parenting” message. It is vitally important to be consistent, and it is more than likely an area in which you are failing. Consistency is so important! It is what gives your child stability. You are going to be consistent at one thing or another. Either you will be consistent in letting the child win, or you will be consistent in winning. It depends on who will hold out the longest. Sometimes the child can outlast the parent in getting what he wants. You have to have greater determination that he is going to do what you told him to do than he has that he isn’t going to obey.
When having problems with a child under age twelve you are probably dealing with a discipline problem. Most likely, you either aren’t tough enough or there is inconsistency or anger in your parenting. Typically, one parent will be strict while the other is more laid back. If you are going to fix the problems that you are having in your home, it will take both of you giving one hundred per cent.
We would highly recommend that you use our DVD’s, but it would also greatly benefit you to see if your pastor or someone who has raised good children (someone your pastor would recommend) would advise you and help to hold you accountable on a daily basis. You may even see if he or she can watch the DVD’s with you.
Why should I get the DVD’s instead of the CD’s? Sadly, we’ve had people try to work through problems using the audio/CD version of the titles listed below instead of the DVD version, and it probably WILL NOT WORK. Yes, the CD’s are less expensive, but it will not help you deal with the problems that you are having. When trying to fix a roof that has a HUGE hole in it, do you go to the store and ask to purchase the cheapest tarp you can find to fix the hole, or do you find someone to help you replace that entire part of the roof so you don’t have massive problems again a few months down the road? Of course, you try to be as frugal as possible while getting all the tools and materials that you need to fix that hole, but you realize the importance of fixing the problem, so you do your best to get what you need. You don’t wait days and weeks before finding the tools to fix it – you do it as soon as possible. Otherwise, you are going to have more damage caused by that problem the longer you wait!
It is the same thing when dealing with problems. It is usually the mother who senses the problem earlier, and the father typically either doesn’t recognize it or doesn’t want to deal with it, so they wait until there is a HUGE problem with which they have to deal before they do anything about it. If you don’t get all the information you need, presented in the best way possible, you are going to continue to have greater problems. A weeping mother gave this testimony: “Please tell everyone to listen to you when you tell them that the DVD’s really do make a difference! We tried using the audio version of the “Rebel” listing to turn our rebellious teen daughter around. We didn’t see the necessity at the time of the DVD’s and didn’t feel the need to spend the little extra, and it ended up hurting us much more than helping us. It inoculated our daughter just enough for her to not respond and change. We as the parents did not realize that we weren’t impacted enough by the cassettes to make the changes that were needed in us until it was too late. Please tell others our story to save them more heartache.”
The DVD’s give the impact that you as the parents need to have made on you. The CD’s will not give you that impact! It is better for you to not hear the message at all than to inoculate yourself against dealing with the problem. If you truly want victory in this or any area for you and your child, you will NEED the DVD’s and NOT the CD’s. If you cannot afford the entire series at one time, we suggest that you start with the first one and work your way down the list. (See our specials for the BEST possible price!)
Quick, easy, cheap fixes for any of life’s problems tend not to last. This is even truer in the spiritual realm than in the physical realm!
If you, in the spirit of humility, can ask your spouse and accountability partner to discuss and point out failures as you finish each DVD you will then be able to confess you failures, make yourself accountable to them, and discuss any misunderstandings, misconceptions, or misinterpreted motives you may have had.
The accountability and discussion is a very important part of this process. Remember that your family knows you far better than anyone else because they live with you. Keep in mind that if you now have or have in the past had a problem with anger, your spouse and/or accountability partner may not feel that they have the freedom to point out your problems to you. You might try watching especially the first two DVD’s in the “Anger” series a couple of times and try a week of changing your recognized failures without discussing it with anyone. Then, after a week, ask if your family has noticed a change. Whatever you do, DO NOT GET DEFENSIVE! Admit that you are trying to change and ask them to be patient with you, but don’t use that as an excuse – CHANGE! It is very important not to promise something that you will not be able to fulfill. (An example of this would be saying that you will never get angry again, and then in an hour having an angry outburst.) Otherwise, this will be viewed as inconsistency and will cause insecurity and mistrust. Be very aware of this. It is so important to your being able to turn this situation around.
It is much easier to turn a difficult child around than it is to allow your child to continue down this road of disobedience and turn into a full-blown rebel in a few years. It is much easier to turn the situation around NOW, rather than putting things off and waiting until things get worse. You will realize very quickly then that the problem with which you are dealing now is nothing compared to what you will have if you just wait to see if things will “work themselves out.” Almost NEVER do problems simply disappear. Even when parents think the problems have disappeared, they have usually just gone underground and are waiting to resurface in a worse form than before. We have had several parents dealing with rebels tell us that they wish they could go back and change things before their child turned to full rebellion, because the heartache is worse. Why not enjoy the children that they could be, instead of dreading every day ahead?!
Below is your own customized list of DVD’s in the order in which you and your spouse will need to watch them. Watching one a day or every other day would be recommended. If that sounds like a lot, remember that the problems that you are having will begin to disappear as you recognize the areas in which you will need to change and then begin changing them. Also, keep in mind that if you were going in for counseling appointments it would take a lot more time out of your schedule than an hour a day. It should be obvious that watching a DVD (outside of your personal devotions with the Lord) is the most important thing that you will do that day.
May God grant you the wisdom and discernment that you need to “train up [your] child in the way he should go.”
There are forty (40) DVD’s listed below in this series . We are offering it to you for the special price of $375.00. Every DVD listed is there for some special reason. Some are to give wisdom for parenting, while others are there to strengthen you personally in some key area or to strengthen the husband/wife relationship.
Title #1 of 4 in the “Parenting” series – watch once or twice at the beginning. You may need to refer back to it again and again. This will be your main “reference” DVD. You can also download and print out the, “ABC’s of Successful Parenting,” poster from our website to hang up in your home. You may decide to watch this DVD with your child, occasionally pausing the DVD and saying, “Did you hear what he just said? That is what will happen if you don’t obey immediately and sweetly.”
Play the chapter that matches today’s date and the following chapter every day from now on (this is something that can be begun even while going through the above DVD's that are for the parents).
Here is some additional advice for both Dad and Mom:
For Dads: It is going to take the father getting VERY involved! It would be extremely difficult for one parent to be the only one trying to turn the situation around. Typically speaking, the dad is the one who is complacent or who doesn’t think that there are problems at all, while the mom is thinking that there is a HUGE problem. That may be because Dad goes to work and is away from the problems with which Mom has to constantly deal during the day (out of sight, out of mind). Especially when you are dealing with problems with boys, Dad must be doing the main parenting and discipline! Dads, if your wife feels like you are having problems, please listen to her. God made her to be the emotional side of your relationship, which means that she may be more sensitive to problems in the home than you. That is one of the reasons why God has made her your help meet. She may see things that you don’t. And remember, you aren’t always home with the children as she usually is. She is spending the majority of her day dealing with the children and the problems. Don’t be one of those “couch potato” dads who, as soon as he comes in the door from work, sits down in front of the television and “zones out,” or goes straight to the office and gets on the computer until supper is ready and then retreats back there again until bed time.
Be the dad who comes home and realizes that your wife has been there all day long taking care of your children and your house, and preparing your meals. Jump in there and ask her if she could use a hand with something. Ask to help keep the children busy while she is working on dinner. Give her a break. Sometimes moms could just use twenty minutes alone to catch their breath. Plus, that will help you to be more involved in the training of the children. You are interested in the things into which you pour your life. What areas of your life is the most important to you?
(Matthew 6:21) “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
Twenty years from now, you don’t want to look back and realize that you have a nice retirement plan and no family with which to share it. Remember that your children are your biggest asset, and spending a minimum of two to three hours a day with them at this time is crucial to your having their hearts down the road.
If you don’t already have daily family devotions, you need to begin right away. Reading through the New Testament is a great place to begin, or you can watch a chapter in “Picture Proverbs” each day.
For Moms: I know you are busy trying to get things done during the day – dishes, meals, laundry, cleaning, etc. – but make sure that you are spending some one-on-one time playing with your children, too. There are a lot of moms now who are absorbed in other interests (such as computer use, texting, soap operas, television in general, telephone conversations, hobbies and crafts, etc.) rather than giving the attention to their children that they need. You get upset when your husband comes home and isn’t the father that you expect him to be, but it’s possible that you may not be spending the time with your children that you should be, either. Be careful about spending more than thirty minutes a day on personal interests that don’t involve your children, and try to schedule that thirty minutes when your children are taking naps or are having quiet time.
Parents, YOU want to be the ones who rear your children – not the television. Children shouldn’t spend a lot of time watching television. Don’t get into the habit of letting the television be your babysitter. Have activities that are planned instead. Play time is so very important. That is where they learn to be creative. With small children, play time should be a large part of their time.
Every mom could use a break during the day. If your children are too old for naps, then maybe they need quiet time instead for thirty minutes to an hour each day. You need to make sure that they aren’t becoming little vacuums, doing nothing during that time. Reading books is great. For older children, homework could be done during this time. You then can use this time for yourself. You may choose to take a nap yourself or just relax with a good book. You may even choose this time to have your personal devotions. Try not to get caught in the trap of “while the children are busy, I can get _________ done.” I can understand you doing that sometimes, but don’t make that a normal occurrence. You need some quiet time for yourself so that you don’t get tired and impatient with your precious little gifts from God.
It is also possible for Mom or Dad not to want to discipline their cute little child. If you love them, you have to love them enough to train and discipline them. You need to do it the way God tells us to – not in anger or with impatience, but lovingly showing them that their disobedience will not be tolerated any longer, and the only option that they have is to change.
You will not understand why and how these principles work until after you have watched the messages, but Bible truth undergirds all that we are sharing with you.
AFTER you have completely finished watching ALL of the “Parenting” DVD’s or while you are going through the DVD’s for the “Child,” if you are unclear of something that is happening, you are welcome to call us. Once again, be sure to have ALL the “Parenting” DVD’s watched BEFORE calling with questions. The DVD’s are where you’re going to find most (if not all) of the answers to your questions. (You will also need to get you pastor’s permission before you call, as we do not give personal counsel without your pastor’s permission.)
What do I do if my pastor doesn’t understand these principles? Take in your copy of the message, “Changing the Heart of a Rebel,” and tell him that you have watched this message but that he is your pastor and the God-given protector of the flock. Ask him if he would be willing to watch the message to see if it is biblically sound. Then you can ask him to help you further. Pastors can always speak directly with Dr. Davis if they feel they need to. They should call 800-500-8853 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 800-500-8853 end_of_the_skype_highlighting and ask for an appointment to speak with Dr. Davis.
You can also find this information sheet, as well as others and additional helpful DVD’s, on our website:
Disclaimer: Neither Dr. S. M. Davis nor Park Meadows Baptist Church of Lincoln, IL, offers any guarantee for the results of following the counsel offered in this document or in the messages offered by this ministry, nor do they accept responsibility for any negative outcome resulting from following the counsel offered by this ministry. OUR DVD’s ARE BIBLE MESSAGES THAT GIVE BIBLICAL COUNSEL. THEY ARE NOT PSYCHOLOGICAL OR PSYCHIATRIAC COUNSELING.
This “Rebel” information sheet was written by Jeanna Davis Gill and Dr. S. M. Davis.
