Help for Rebels Under Eighteen

We have put together detailed outlines of how to help rebelling children, one for children under the age of eighteen, and another for children over age eighteen (including children who may no longer be living at home). Please use the correct outline for your situation, and please follow ALL of the details! We have worked with hundreds or thousands of families over the years, and we know that these procedures work. Some families have tried to take shortcuts or have not followed these instructions in other ways and have ended up with worse rebels than the ones with which they started, so please read this information and follow it carefully.

Please Note: If you are dealing with a rebellious child OVER the age of eighteen, please click here for the appropriate instructional sheet.

Information Sheet With Listing of the DVDs and Their Proper Order for Parents With Rebellious Teens Under Age Eighteen

Help for Rebels Information Sheet for Parents of Rebellious Teens ages 13 to 18:

        We recommend that the husband read this out loud as the wife intently listens.

In our experience, 99% of the time that there is a problem with a rebellious child it can be traced back to a parenting problem. You must FIRST deal with the parent problem BEFORE you can deal with the child problem. (this statement is explained on the message, “Changing the Heart of a Rebel”) The problem areas that have become evident in your child may have just become a problem in the last few months or years, while the parenting problems have usually been there for many years. Turning around your child is the easy part. The greater challenge is for you as the Parent to see where you are failing and make the changes needed in order to help your child.

The messages given below have been used by many parents to turn around rebellious teens.

Please refer to the end of this information sheet for “Frequently Asked Questions” that will most likely answer any question that you may have about this program.

Below are the DVDs in the order that need to be watched over the next 4 weeks.

The “REBELLIOUS CHILD Parenting” DVDs listed below will be beneficial to any parent or spouse trying to head off future problems, even if you do NOT decide to do the “drastic” measures. (You will recognize these as you listen to the DVDs.) 

Week 1:

Together:    “Detailed Instructions to Serious Parents to Help with Rebellious Teens” (Parents only)

“Changing the Heart of a Rebel” (Parents only-watch once or twice. This will be your main “reference” DVD.)

 “Knowing When to Let Go” (Parents only)

Beware not to begin the process that Dr. Davis talks about on the previous 3 DVDs unless you plan to SEE IT THROUGH!  Changing things or skipping things YOU don’t deem necessary can bring disastrous results. You can end up with a worse rebel than you now have if you do not do ALL the steps and in the specified proper order. Turning a rebel around is not something you can begin and stop mid-process, deciding it was too much to ask of you to do for your child. Because of the emotional roller coaster you will be on, it may not seem to you to be working, but you must trust the wisdom of following the instructions even when you don’t feel successful.  Be committed to see this through. “Paying the price” will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. The questions you want to ask yourself before going through this whole process is, “How far will I go for my child? Will I do ANYTHING for them? Will I do ANYTHING to win them back? How important is my child to me? Is my child more important to me than money? Is my child more important than my very life?  Is my child important enough for me to recognize the areas that I need to change in and do whatever I have to do to change?”           

The Other DVDs Listed Below are ALSO FOR THE PARENTS! They may be watched with the rebellious child or the rest of the family, Be aware that watching the DVDs with your children will give you a GREATER CHALLENGE TO CHANGE. They will recognize areas in which you have failed or are failing and will watch to see if YOU are willing to change BEFORE they will.

“How to Help Rebellious Adopted or Stepchildren” (You will only need this title if you have an adopted or stepchild. It is not included in the package. If you need it you will need to order it separately.)

“Parenting with a Diligent Hand”

“3 Key Elements of Successful Parenting” – Title #1 of 4 in the Parenting Series

Watch once or twice at the beginning. You may need to refer back to it again and again. This will be your other main “reference” DVD. You can also download and print out the “ABC’s of Successful Parenting poster” from our website to hang up in your home. You may decide to watch this DVD with the child, pausing the DVD and saying, “Did you hear what he just said? That will be one of the things changing right away.” Most times when dealing with a rebellious child, it is highly likely that they have been in control of making decisions, which is one area that MUST change. The child can no longer be in control of any given situation.

“The Necessity of Replacing Evil with Good”

“How Right Priorities Prevent or Solve Life’s Biggest Problems” – Available in the Men’s Collection

“The 2 Trails in Every Trial” (only available in CD at this time)

“The Consequences of Living Life without a Pastor” (only available in CD at this time)

Husband:       “Christ, the Husbands Example” – Available in the Men’s Collection

Wife:              “The 7 Fold Power of a Wife’s Submission” – Available in the Ladies Collection

                        “Submission Causes Submission” by Dr. Larry Brown (only available in CD at this time)

At the end of this week, you may be realizing a lot of the failures that you have made. That is a huge step in the right direction. You should now be to the point where you will decide what you are going to do with your given situation. Are you going to try and turn your child around by applying what you heard in the above messages?

Week 2:

Together:      “Anger the Destroyer” – Title #1 of 5 in the Anger Series

                        “What Pride Does” – Title #1 of 2 in the Pride Series

“How to Humble Yourself” – Title #2 of 2 in the Pride Series

“Freedom from the Spirit of Anger” – Title #2 of 5 in the Anger Series

“Expectations, the Enemy of Relationships and Gratitude”

“What Impatience Does” – Title #3 of 5 in the Anger Series

“How to Build a Storm-Proof Marriage”

“Accountability – Missing Ingredient for Spiritual Victory” - Title #3 of 4 in the Friendship Series

“Oneness – God’s Goal for Your Marriage” (only available in CD at this time)

“The ABC’s of a Happy Marriage” (only available in CD at this time)

Husband:     “10 Steps to Victory Over Lust” – Available in the Men’s Collection (if the husband did or has a problem with Lust) The 3 great sins of men are Anger, Lust and Pride. Often if there is a problem in one of these areas there might possibly be a problem in all 3.

Wife:           “How a Wife Can Use Reverence to Build or Save Her Marriage” – Available in the Ladies Collection

Week 3:

Together:      “4 Things Every Child Needs From Their Parents”

 “Are You a Giver or a Taker?”

“7 Keys to Unlock Doors of Communication”

                        “What the Bible Has to Say About Scorn and Mockery” – Title #4 of 5 in the Anger Series

                        “How to Conquer Strong, Evil Habits”

            “How to Help a Man (or a Person) Deal with their Anger” – Title #5 of 5 in the Anger Series

“How to Treat a Wounded Spirit”

“How to Parent as a Team” – Title #2 of 4 in the Parenting Series

“How to Bless Your Children and Others” – Title #3 of 4 in the Parenting Series

“God’s Directions to Avoid Pitfalls of Misunderstandings” (only available in CD at this time)

“How to be Reconciled to Your Friend or Enemy” (only available in CD at this time)

Husband:       “10 Timeless Bible Teachings on the Bride Price” – Title #10 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series

Wife:             “The Attitude No Lady Should Have” – Available in the Ladies Collection

Week 4:

Together:      “God’s Weightiest Commands to Husbands, Wives and Parents”

“How to Develop Character in Your Children” – Title #1 of 3in the Character Series

                        “How to Keep Children from Getting Bitter”

                        “How to Pass On Your Convictions to Your Children”

“How to Use Acceptance to Build Others” – Title #3 of 4 in the Influence Series

“Understanding Biblical Leadership” – Available in the Men’s Collection

“Overcoming Discouragement” (If parents are getting discouraged they may need this message earlier)

“How to Respond When Hurt or Offended” (only available in CD at this time)

“How to Deal with Guilt” (only available in CD at this time)

Husband:       “Key Character Qualities of a Godly Man” – Available in the Men’s Collection

Wife:             “God’s Way to Deal with Your Wrong Emotions” – Available in the Ladies Collection

We strongly suggest that you go back and re-watch “Detailed Instructions to Serious Parents to Help with Rebellious Teens” & “Changing the Heart of a Rebel” & “3 Key Elements of Successful Parenting” before proceeding further with trying to help your rebellious child.

DVDs to Help the Rebellious Child:

Both Parents watch the following DVDs with the rebel & then discuss.

The discussion following watching the DVD is an integral part in the changing process. If the child refuses to talk, you will not be able to win them back. (See FAQ’s below for a further description of the last statement.)

Keep this information sheet handy to read over once a week while going through this process to help keep you on track.

Week 1:

“Picture Proverbs Vol. 1 & Vol. 2” – play the chapter that matches today’s date and the following chapter everyday from now on. (This is something that can be begun even while going through the above DVDs that are for the Parents.)

“Why Satan wants the First Born” (If the child is a first born) – Title #1 of 4 in the Influence Series

“The Influence of Older Children on Younger Ones” (If the child has younger siblings) – Title #2 of 4 in the Influence Series

“Personal Responsibility” – Available in the Youth Collection

“How to Avoid the Destructiveness of a Wrong Self Image” – Available in the Ladies Collection (This is typically just for daughters but often sons struggle in this area too.)

“Seeds of Disintegration Planted by the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Philosophy” – Title #1 of 11 in the Betrothal Series

“Breaking Family Curses”

“Commitment to Purity” – Title #2 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series

Week 2:

“Integrity – Parent of Character” – Title #3 of 3 in the Character Series

“What Bitterness Does”

“7 Bible Truths Violated by Christian Dating” – Title #3 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series

“Conquering Satan’s Strongholds”

“God’s Plan for Finding a Mate” – Title #4 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series

“10 Steps to Victory Over Lust” (this is in the above list for the Husbands but it needs to be watched here again.)

“Essential Principles for a Successful Courtship/Betrothal”– Title #5 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series

“The Mistakes Rebels Make”

Week 3:

“Ruth & Boaz; a Biblical Love Story”– Title #6 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series

“God’s 7 Purposes for Authority” – Available in the Youth Collection

“Avoiding Defrauding in Relationships”– Title #7 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series

“God’s Way to Deal with Your Wrong Emotions” – Available in the Ladies Collection (this is in the above list for the Wives but it needs to be watched here again.)

“Victory Over the Dating Spirit”– Title #8 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series

“What Fear Does” – Title #1 of 2 in the Fear Series

“How to Conquer Fear and Develop Courage” – Title #1 of 2 in the Fear Series

“Questions and Answers about Betrothal”– Title #9 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series

          “Understanding Loyalty in a Disloyal World”

“Timeless Bible Teachings About the Brideprice”– Title #10 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series (this is in the above list for the Husband but it needs to be watched here again.)

“Understanding How Homes Relate to Each other and the Church”

“How to Avoid Confusion Concerning Betrothal”– Title #11 of 11 in the Courtship/Betrothal Series

Week 4:

“How to Tell the Right Kind of Music” – Available in the Youth Collection (ANY FORM of rock music feeds rebellion and sensuality.)

“What to Expect from a 12 Year Old” – Available in the Youth Collection

“When Forgiveness Won’t Work”

“Understanding the Blessings and Hazards of Friendships” – Title #1 of 4 in the Friendship Series

“The Kingdom of Your Influence” – Title #3 of 4 in the Influence Series

“How to Lengthen Your Life by Honoring and Obeying Your Parents” – Available in the Youth Collection

DO NOT PLAY THE NEXT DVD “My Son, Give Me Thine Heart,” until the parent senses the child is close to surrender to God. If you do, you may end up with a worse rebel than you started with! As stated above, if the rebellious child hasn’t begun showing signs of surrender, submission and obedience they are probably NOT ready for this next DVD, “My Son, Give Me Thine Heart,” You will need to begin again at the top of this list and work your way through the DVDs again. You may want to begin with the DVDs that are for the Parents (minus the first 3 that are  for the parents ONLY.) If while going through the DVDs again, at any time, you sense that the child is close to surrender, then show them “How to Lengthen Your Life by Honoring and Obeying Your Parents” again and see if you are ready to proceed with “My Son, Give Me Thine Heart”

“My Son, Give Me Thine Heart” is THE DVD that will be the one to reach out and get their attention. Parents should watch the first part of the DVD with them and then leave the room so they can finish it alone. They will be able to show emotion without feeling like they can not because you are sitting there with them. At the end you can go in and discuss it with them.

Week ?(it depends on the child):

“My Son, Give Me Thine Heart” (re-read the above statement before playing this DVD.)

The following DVDs should be played after surrender and before returning home:

“What God Expects from a 20 year Old” – Available in the Men’s Collection

“How to Rebuild Broken Trust”

“How to Tell True Repentance”

“Accountability – Missing Ingredient for Spiritual Victory” – Title #3 of 4 in the Friendship Series (this is in the above list for Parents but it needs to be watched here again.)

“How to Help Weak Children Become Strong” – Title #2 of 4 in the Friendship Series

“Remember Now Thy Creator” – Available in the Youth Collection

“The Sin of Silence” – Title #4 of 4 in the Friendship Series

“How to Avoid the Emptiness of a Meaningless Life” – Available in the Youth Collection

“Standing Alone” – Available in the Youth Collection

You can also find this information sheet as well as others and additional helpful DVDs on our web site www.solvefamilyproblems.com

Frequently Asked Questions:

When do we begin the process of Changing the Heart of our Rebel? It is IMPORTANT that you DO NOT start the drastic changes that are given in “Changing the Heart of a Rebel” and “Detailed Instructions...” until you have FIRST GONE THROUGH AND ARE FINISHED viewing ALL the “Help for Parents of Rebellious Children”  DVDs. You are about to get on the craziest roller coaster ride of your life and you want to be sure that your seat belt is fastened tightly for the ride. The “Parenting” DVDs will help you to fasten that “seat belt.” If you aren’t prepared you may “fall out” half-way through the process.  Most problems in this area are deep rooted. The various DVDs listed here are designed to deal with each area of yours and your teen’s lives that may need help. This is the reason there are so many different titles. This is also the reason they are listed in the order in which they are listed. 

Can’t I use the CDs to go through this instead of the DVDs? Why are the DVDs so important? We’ve had people try to go through the “Rebel Process” using the audio/CD version of the messages instead of the DVD version and it probably WILL NOT WORK. Yes, the CD’s are cheaper, but it will not help you deal with the problems that you are having. When trying to fix a roof that has a HUGE hole in it, do you go to the store and ask to purchase the cheapest tarp you can to fix the hole or do you find someone to help you replace that entire part of the roof so you don’t have massive problems again down the road a few days, months or years from now? Of course, you try to be as frugal as possible while getting all the tools and materials that you need to fix that hole, but you realize the importance of fixing this problem so you do your best to get what you need. You don’t wait days and weeks before finding the tools to fix it-- you do it as soon as possible, otherwise you are going to have more damage caused by that problem the longer you wait! It is the same thing when dealing with rebellion problems.  It is usually the Mother that senses the problem earlier and the Father typically either doesn’t recognize it or doesn’t want to deal with it. So they wait until there is a HUGE hole that they have to deal with and, if you don’t get all the information that you need, presented in the best way possible, you are going to continue to have problems. A weeping Mother gave this testimony: “Please tell everyone to listen to you when you when you tell them that the Videos really do make a difference! We tried using the audio version of the “Rebel Listing” to turn our rebellious teen daughter around. We didn’t see the necessity at the time of the videos and didn’t feel the need to spend the little extra, and it ended up hurting us much more than helping us. It inoculated our daughter just enough for her to not respond and change.  We as the parents did not realize that we weren’t impacted enough by the cassettes to make the changes that were needed in us until it was too late.  Please tell others our story to save them more heartache.” The DVDs give the impact that you as the Parent as well as the child need made on you. The CDs will not give you that impact! Often, it’s better for you to not hear the message at all than to inoculate yourself or your child against dealing with the problem. If you truly want victory in this or any area for you and your child, you will NEED the DVDs and NOT the CDs. Quick, easy cheap fixes of any life problem tend not to last. This is even truer in the spiritual realm than in the physical realm

What if I can’t afford the entire series at one time? If you cannot afford the entire series at one time, we suggest that you begin with the first two, “Detailed Instructions to Serious Parents to Help with Rebellious Teens” & “Changing the Heart of a Rebel” and work your way down through the list.  (See our specials for the BEST possible price!)

If I turn a blind eye to my child’s rebellion will it go away? A rebel under the age of 18 is much easier to turn around than if you put things off and wait to deal with the problem after they turn 18. You will realize very quickly then that the problem you are dealing with now is nothing compared to just waiting to see if things will “just work themselves out.” Almost NEVER do teen rebellion problems simply disappear. Even when parents think they have disappeared, they have usually just gone underground and are waiting to resurface in a worse form than before. We have had several parents dealing with Adult Rebels tell us that they wish they could go back and change things before the child turned 18 because the heartache is worse and longer drawn out after age 18. (It can take years or even decades to work with an Adult Rebel compared to weeks or months working with a teen rebel.)

What do we do if we feel your ministry doesn’t know us personally, our situation, and we don’t think that we need every DVD listed here nor do we need to follow through completely with this program? No matter how much you may feel that you are the exception to following all of the details to the end, we cannot emphasize to you how important it is that you follow even the smallest details of the instructions.  We have been helping parents deal with rebellious children since 1991.   We have witnessed the heartbreak of parents doing all but one step or leaving out a step they don’t feel is applicable to their situation and “losing” their child to rebellion for years or sometimes forever, even though they had done everything else taught in the DVDs.

You may look back at the end and discover there was a DVD that you didn’t need. But that one will not have hurt you, and the one you choose to skip may be more essential to your recovery than you could know. We have also witnessed the victory of parents who made the sacrifices necessary and followed even the details that they didn’t understand or think applied to them and the joyful outcome of their story is such a blessing! 

These are not just our ideas –they are Biblical principles that we have personally learned, and they work!  We can tell you countless stories of situations where a parent thinks that since we don’t personally know their child, they are better equipped at deciding what is needed or not needed of the principles on the DVDs or what will or will not work for them.  One such father asked us to share his story with you.  He was dealing with a seventeen year old rebellious daughter and gladly sacrificed to purchase all the videos in the Rebel Series.  He followed each step as it was explained, and near the end of the process, his daughter began turning around.  He called to say that she was doing much better and he thought it would be fine to shorten the final step.  We warned him that it would not be wise, but he decided to do what he felt was okay for his situation.  (She seemed to have made the turn around, and he was anxious to return to his normal schedule.)  One week later, this daughter ran away from home and moved in with a man who was not yet divorced.  The father called us again and asked if there was anything else he could do.  The sad thing was that his window of opportunity had already passed.  The only thing he could do at that point was to wait for her to hit bottom and come to her senses. Currently it has been five years since this has happened.  The sad truth is, she may never see her need, and all contact has had to be ended between her and her younger siblings, though her parents continue to try to love and accept her.  Repeatedly, the father has told us that he regrets not following that last step through and can now see the wisdom of following every detail.  If he could go back, he would gladly have sacrificed even his employment. You will not understand why and how these principles work until after you have heard the messages, but Bible truth undergirds all that we are sharing with you.

Can the DVDs for the Parents be watched with the rebellious child or our other children? If you are up for an additional challenge! Remember that your children and your spouse know you far better than anyone else because they live with you. Keep in mind that, if you have or have had a problem with anger in the past, the child or spouse may not feel the freedom to point out your problems to you. If you, in the spirit of humility, can ask your spouse and children to discuss and point out failures as you finish each DVD you will then be able to confess your failures, make yourself accountable to them, and discuss any misunderstandings, misconceptions or misinterpreted motives. You might try watching especially the first 2 in the “Anger Series” a couple of times before watching them with your child, and a week or two of changing your recognized failures without discussing it, and then ask if they have noticed a change. Whatever you do, DON’T GET DEFENSIVE! Admit that you are trying to change and ask them to be patient with you, but don’t use that as an excuse-- CHANGE! It is very important not to promise something that you will not be able to fulfill. Otherwise, this will be viewed as inconsistency and cause insecurity and mistrust in the child. Be very aware of this. It is so important to your turning the child around. (DO NOT under any circumstances watch “Changing the Heart of A Rebel” or “Detailed Instructions” with the child)

How often do we watch the DVDs? You need to get through the DVDs for Parents as quickly as you can while retaining the information. You could watch a minimum of 1 DVD per day. If you realize that you are dealing with a specific problem within yourself, you may need to watch that DVD again and again.

Is there anything that WE can do together as a husband and wife right away without the DVDs? Remember, “Expectations ruin relationships!” So, NO EXPECTATIONS FROM EITHER SPOUSE!

No arguing or disagreeing in the presence of the children.  If there is a problem, talk about it later, behind closed doors, so the children don’t know there is a disagreement. Children need the stability of parents that are going to stay together. (The last sentence is explained in more detail on the DVD “4 Things Children Need from Parents.”)

Praise each other and have appropriate, physical involvement (a small kiss, a hug, holding hands etc.) in the presence of your children.

Read through the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Read this book together 1 chapter every other day, preferably with the husband reading aloud to the wife, while stopping to discuss it as you read or at the end of the chapter. (Solve Family Problems doesn’t endorse or agree with everything written in this book, but it is a tool that can be used to help make your marriage stronger.)

What can I do as a Father? Typically, one parent will be strict while the other is more laid back. If you are going to fix the problems that you are having in your home, it will take both of you giving 100%. Father, it is going to take you as the leader of your home getting VERY involved!  It would be extremely difficult for one parent to be the only one trying to turn the situation around. Typically speaking, the Dad is the one that is complacent, or not thinking that there are problems at all, while Mom is thinking that there is a HUGE problem. That may be because he goes to work and is away from the problems that Mom has to deal with constantly during the day. (Out of sight, out of mind.) Especially when you are dealing with problems with boys, you must have Dad doing the main parenting! Dads, if your wife feels like you are having problems, please listen to her. God made her to be the emotional side of your relationship which means that she is more sensitive to problems in the home than you may be. That is one of the reasons why God has made her your help meet. She may see things that you don’t, and remember, you aren’t always home with the children as she usually is. She is spending the majority of her day dealing with the children and the problems. Don’t be one of those “couch potato” Dads that as soon as they come in the door from work, sit down in front of the T.V. and zone out or go straight to the office and get on the computer until supper is ready and then retreat back there again until bed time.

Be the Dad that comes home and realizes that your wife has been there all day long taking care of your children, your house and preparing your meals. Jump in there and ask her if she could use a hand with something. Ask to help keep the children busy while she is working on dinner. Give her a break. Sometimes Mom’s could just use 20 minutes alone to catch their breath. Plus, that will help you be more involved in the training of the children. You are interested in the things that you pour your life into. What area of your life is the most important to you? Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

 Twenty years from now, you don’t want to look back and realize that you have a nice retirement plan and no family with which to share it. Remember that your children are your biggest assets and spending a minimum of two to three hours a day with them at this time is crucial to you having their hearts down the road.

If you haven’t been doing it, begin doing family devotions every day! Read the Bible aloud (1 chapter) each day or night with the entire family. (You could begin in Proverbs or the New Testament.) Also play 1 chapter in “Picture Proverbs” each day. Pray together as a family each night and then together as a couple before going to sleep. Each one of you pray aloud where the other one can hear you.

What do I do about my job and providing for my family? We have many Fathers and Mothers ask this question. It isn’t really something that we can answer for you. This is a decision that you will need to make after watching the DVDs for Parents but especially the message “How Right Priorities Prevent or Solve Life’s Biggest Problems.” We also recommend that you speak with your Pastor and ask for his help, counsel and guidance.

What can I do as a Mother? I know you are busy trying to get things done during the day, dishes, meals, laundry, cleaning, etc., but make sure that you are spending some one-on-one time with your children, too. There are a lot of Moms now that are absorbed in other interests (such as computer use, texting, soap operas, T.V. in general, telephone conversations, hobbies and crafts, etc.) rather than giving the attention to their families that they need. You get upset when your husband comes home and isn’t the Father that you expect him to be, but it’s possible that you may not be spending the time with your family that you should be either. Be careful about spending more than 30 minutes a day on personal interests that don’t involve your family.

If your husband doesn’t recognize the seriousness of the situation or the problem that you are dealing with, realize that you aren’t the only wife to feel that way. Men are made differently. You are the  emotional side of the relationship while they are the practical side. That is one way you balance each other. Men don’t like to deal with problems. They would rather pretend that they’re not there than to deal with them. Pray that God will change his heart, pray that God would open his eyes. You could also get the “Ladies Collection” and be sure that you are the wife that you need to be while being like Esther and praying that God would give you favor in your husband’s eyes, so that you can help him to see that there is a problem.

When do we leave with the child? It depends on your specific situation and the seriousness of it. If you are in a serious situation where you need to remove the child immediately from the negative influences you may need to leave immediately and figure out where you are going and what you are going to do after you have left. OR if you are able to wait a few days or weeks to leave so that you can complete the “Parenting DVDs” and have your plan of action together it will be more beneficial to you and turning your child around.

Where do we go with the child? We suggest somewhere very secluded. You don’t want to be where people are as much as possible. Don’t go somewhere you know other people. If you have a passport, the most ideal situation would be to go to a third world country where you could help with a mission. You would have to let them know that you wouldn’t be available a lot of times as you being there watching and discussing the DVDs is the main focus of you being there. You could help them during the afternoon. If you do activities like this, be sure that you are working only the three of you together. It wouldn’t be best if it was a teen group or something like that. You don’t want them around other teens, children, or anyone that they know well. You need to be as far from home and the negative influences as possible.

Who should go with the child? The best scenario is for both Dad and Mom to go with the child. It is such a help to you balancing each other out. When one of you get discouraged the other is there to encourage and lift up. Often the child will talk better with one child vs. the other parent also. If you absolutely cannot make this work (you have no one to leave the other children with) then it would be the father going. (The one exception to this rule would be a nursing baby.) You need to be able to have complete concentration on the problem with as few distractions as possible.  

What should we do while we are gone? We recommend reading aloud (biographies of great men and women or missionaries), board games, fishing, hiking, outdoor activities, etc... Be sure that it is things that you do TOGETHER! No activities alone. (You are re-building this relationship.) Try to avoid TV or radio programs, “Fair” type of atmosphere places.

Re-building your relationship suggestion: - Throughout the day, write down 5+ things that you can say nice (or praise) your rebellious child. They can be actions or words concerning something you have heard them do or seen them do. Example: “Thank you for seeing that I needed help carrying a box and helping me with it.” “Thank you for being grateful for the meal I made.” At the end of the day, following your last DVD for the night and family devotions, each parent pull out their list and go over praising them again. You may even want to give it to the child.

(You may want to go back and re-listen to “How to Develop Character in Your Children”)

What contact should the child have while they are gone? None! Do not leave the child alone even for a few minutes. (a realistic bathroom time is an exception to the rule.) The best scenario is for the child to sleep in the same room with you. Doors open at all times except long enough to change clothes or use the restroom. Do not allow the child to have any form of contact with anyone except for Dad, Mom, Pastor and godly Grandparents who are backing parents up during this time. (This includes phone calls, email, texting, written letters, etc.) – refer back to Changing the Heart of a Rebel if you need further clarity on this point.

What do we do if the child refuses to discuss the DVD when we’ve finished watching it with them? The discussion time is a very, very important part to the changing process! NOTHING else gets done until they do discuss it with you. The child MUST know that this IS NOT just a vacation; it is time that is set aside to focus on the problems that you are having and dealing with them once and for all! Most times when dealing with a rebellious child, it is highly likely that they have been in control of making decisions, which is one area that MUST change. The child can no longer be in control of any given situation. (This especially means choosing whether or not they want to watch or discuss the DVDs.) This is especially true when trying to turn them around. We have been told by parents going through this process that it is difficult to balance the 3 key elements: 1- Winning the battles; 2 – Gentleness; and 3 - Consistency. If you are struggling with any of these areas you may want to go back and re-watch “3 Key Elements of Successful Parenting” and “Changing the Heart of a Rebel.” They expect you to get angry and frustrated with them. Be patient and love them. (They don’t expect that!) They must realize the seriousness of the problem and know that you love them and are serious about dealing with it. When we say NOTHING HAPPENS until you discuss the DVD you’ve just watched, we mean nothing… no activities, no games, no food, nothing! You need to be consistent with this area especially! Here is a suggestion after 10+ minutes of trying to get them to discuss the DVD; with a gentle firmness, let them know that you are going to watch the DVD again and again until you DO have a discussion about it.

What is the danger in showing “My Son, Give Me Thine Heart” without the rebellious child being ready for it? We had a parent show their rebellious adult only this DVD after we had begged them not to and they called back and said, “That DVD didn’t do any good! They sat there and scowled at the screen the whole time and there wasn’t a change at all!” We could have told them that was the response they would get if they had asked us, but instead they chose to show it anyway. What they did was cause their rebel to become harder because they hadn’t changed anything themselves (Luke 1:17) yet so that the rebellious child would want to change. Sadly, they may NEVER get a second chance!  They wanted a quick fix and they might have lost all opportunity forever to help their child!

How do we know when the child is close to surrender? There isn’t a cut and dried pattern to this.

The answer is, you just will know.

What happens if we need more individual counsel?  AFTER you have completely finished watching ALL of the “Parenting” DVDs or while you are going through the DVDs for the “Child” and you are unclear of something that is happening, you are welcome to call us. Once again, be sure to have ALL the Parenting DVDs watched BEFORE calling with questions. The DVDs are where you’re going to find most (if not all) of the answers to your questions. (You will also need to get your Pastor’s permission before you call as we do not give personal counsel without your Pastor’s permission.)

What do I do if my Pastor doesn’t understand these principles? Take in your copy of the message “Changing the Heart of a Rebel” and tell him that you have heard this message but that he is your Pastor and the God–given protector of the flock. Ask him if he would be willing to listen to the message to see if it is Biblically sound. Then you can ask him to help you further. Pastors can always speak directly with Dr. Davis if they feel they need to. They should call 800-500-8853 and ask for an appointment to speak with Dr. Davis.

Has anyone completed this program and it working for them? We’ve heard of many, but we had one family in particular complete the whole process that Dr. Davis explains on the “Detailed Instructions” and they were very happy to have won their son back. The father told us that they were planning on watching each one of the DVDs again each night after they returned home so that the whole family could reap the blessings from the DVDs. This story was from a father who truly “Paid the Price” to win back his son. He did win him back by doing every little thing that was shared with him to do.

Sadly, very few parents are willing to make all the sacrifices to win back their child. Getting the DVDs is the easiest part of this process. “Paying the Price” is the hard but rewarding part! We pray that your family will be one of the success stories that will help encourage others.  We love to hear those success stories so please let us know how it goes. It can be a world of encouragement to the next family beginning their process. J  We pray that God will bless you and give you the strength you’ll need as you begin Changing the Heart of Your Rebel.

Is it possible to increase the effectiveness of this program? We recommend that you and your family continue watching one DVD per week for 1 to 2 years. (Choose either from the above list or additional DVDs that are available from our ministry.)

Disclaimer: Neither Dr. S. M. Davis nor Park Meadows Baptist Church of Lincoln, IL offers any guarantee for the results of following the counsel offered in this document or in the messages offered by this ministry, nor do they accept responsibility for any negative outcome resulting from following the counsel offered by this ministry. OUR DVDS ARE BIBLE MESSAGES THAT GIVE BIBLICAL COUNSEL. THEY ARE NOT PSYCHOLOGICAL OR PSYCHIATRIC COUNSELING. This Rebel Information sheet written by Jeanna Davis Gill and Dr. S. M. Davis.

Parenting DVD’s continued:

DVDs for Fathers:

DVDs for Mothers: